The Devil's in My Bathroom Read online

CHAPTER TWO: Bawling Benny

  Benny Meyers was born in Boston. His father was Chief of Surgery at Massachusetts General Hospital and his mother was a professor at MIT. A Jamaican nanny, Miss Lucy, raised him, and he spent little time with his elusive parents. His small physique made him the favorite target of the prep school bullies. Girls he liked would think of him as cute but would go for the typical athletic type. The chess club thought of him as an intellectual inferior. The potheads didn’t think he was cool enough. Any sports activities were out of the question because of his acute asthma. His parents denounced him when decided he wanted to get into the music business. Although he had a great ear for music, he couldn’t play an instrument to save his life. His singing voice sounded like a wounded coyote. He was, however, always fascinated with the ins and outs of the business. He would be on his own without any financial help from his wealthy parents. Miss Lucy always told him he would go through much heartache before finding the right woman. Benny’s problem was finding any woman.

  “Did you talk to Benny last night?” asked Andie. Nick was already filling up his third bag with trash.

  “No, I haven’t seen him in a couple of days.”

  “He was at the party last night.”

  “The only thing I remember about the party is that I was there – at least that’s what people keep telling me.”

  “Well, Benny called me up at two-o’clock this morning in complete hysterics,” explained Andie. “He and his girlfriend were at the party last night and she walked away to get a drink. Benny said he never saw her after that. Somebody told him they thought they saw her leaving with one of the members of the band.”

  “That probably would have to be the drummer,” said Nick. “He’ll screw anything that moves.”

  “And you’re one to talk,” said Andie.

  “Hey, I have morals.”

  “And they’re all low.”

  Nick thought for a second. Andie was right. He did have low morals, but he did have this saving grace. “At least I have some.”

  Andie shook her head in disgust. “Well, Benny is an emotional wreck right now and needs you to help him through this. He considers you his best friend and will listen to any advice you can give him.”

  “If I’m his best friend, I’d hate to see his enemies.” He continued to pick up the trash when he remembered his dream. The image of the apparent dead drummer was Zipper Down, the Cramping Violets drummer. This was the band that had the record release party the previous night. Nick was their manager and producer. His off-the-cuff remark about the drummer leaving the party with Benny’s girlfriend was unmerited. He had no idea who the girl left with. The scenario possibilities, along with the excess alcohol, started to make him feel queasy.

  “Excuse me. I’m feeling a little sick here,” said Nick. He took off into the bathroom and slammed the door.

  Andie smiled and muttered, “I knew he would do that. I know him so well.” She had no idea about the satanic dreams.

  A delicate thump of a knock was heard at the front door. Andie could barely hear it over the loud regurgitating sounds coming from the bathroom. She opened the door and saw another pitiful sight. It was Benny. He was standing there, unshaven, hair tousled, shirttail hanging out, and tie unknotted. He was well dressed most of the time but now looked like he could’ve been Nick’s twin. The huge bags under his eyes were a sure sign he hadn’t gotten any sleep. He hadn’t even bothered to change from the night before. Andie let out a cheerful and sympathetic greeting.

  “Hi, Benny. How are you?”

  Benny gave her a half-hearted smile. “I’m fine,” he said. This was followed by a big burst of tears and adolescent sobbing. He ran into Andie’s outstretched arms for a comforting hug. “How could she do this to me?” he cried. “I gave her my heart, my love, my soul, my Lexus.”

  Andie interrupted, “Whoa, wait a second. You gave her your car? Are you nuts?”

  “I can’t live without her. She was my whole life.”

  Andie felt a little regret for calling him crazy. “I didn’t realize she meant that much to you.”

  Benny stopped sobbing long enough to say, “Today would have been our anniversary – one whole month.”

  Andie started laughing. “One whole month? My, God, you make it sound like a lifetime”

  “That’s not funny,” he said, as he pulled away from the hug. “She was perfect for me, and if you ever would’ve met her, you’d understand why.”

  “I’m sorry, Benny. I’ve been meaning to ask you that. How come I’ve never met her?”

  “She was kind of cautious about meeting my friends, but she promised me she would come over today and meet all of you. I guess that’s not going to happen,” he said.

  Andie, realizing how suspicious that sounded, asked, “Did Nick ever meet her?”

  Benny mumbled, “He would have met her at the party last night, but from what I’ve heard, he didn’t stay there long. It doesn’t matter. It’s all over now.”

  Andie knew Benny needed some male bonding. “It’ll be all right, Benny. Nick will give you all the support you need. He always knows just what to say.”

  Benny looked confused. “Are you talking about the same Nick I know?”

  Nick walked out the bathroom, took a look at Benny, and said, “Man, you look like shit.”

  Benny responded, “Thanks, buddy. That’s just what I need to hear right now.”

  Nick looked over Benny’s shoulder and saw himself in a Budweiser logo mirror. It was one of many pub accessories used to decorate his home.

  “Man, I look like shit, too,” Nick said. He was starting to wake up another level.

  Benny started sniffling, and muttered in a soft tone, “Kat left me.” Andie walked to the kitchen, leaving Nick and Benny alone.

  “See, I told you to get a dog,” said Nick.

  “No, you idiot. Kat, my girlfriend,” cried Benny.

  “Oh, yeah. I heard she left with the drummer,” Nick said. “At least that’s the current rumor going around.” The unfounded rumor he just made up.

  Benny got defensive, “Well, if it was the drummer, it was with the drummer of the band you signed.”

  “Hey, don’t try to pin this one on me, man. I signed them for their musical talent, not their social behavior.”

  “I want you to release them,” added Benny.

  “Look, man, you can’t fire a band just because you think one of the members did your girlfriend.”

  “Sure I can,” said Benny. “After all, I am the boss.”

  “Benny, be rational,” said Nick. “The Cramping Violets are a great band. You’ve been on my ass for months, to sign a band that could sell records and draw crowds. Well, I found one. They’re even from New Lake City. Do you know how much money I’m saving the company? You didn’t have to fly me all over the country looking for them. Now that we’ve got them, you want to get rid of them because your ego is hurt?”

  “It’s a lot more than just my ego that’s hurt,” bawled Benny. “And if you were so interested in seeing this band make it, how come you didn’t stay at their album release party last night?”

  Nick was ashamed. “To be honest with you, I don’t remember going or leaving.”

  Benny was making his point. “You claim they’re such an incredible band and you’re the person who signed them. You can’t even remember their album release party. They don’t need to be associated with Apocalypse Records.”

  “Look, Benny,” defended Nick, “You’re letting personal feelings get in the way of business. If you want to channel your anger, why not do it towards something positive and get back on track?” Benny was listening. Nick was making sense – which happened on rare occasions.

  “How do you propose I do that?”

  “Okay, here’s what you do. You’re going to go about your business no matter how much you think about – what’s her name?”

  “Kat”

  “Yeah, right – Kat. You’re not going to call her. Even if s
he calls you, you’re not going to let her know how much you’re hurting inside. That would just boost her ego. Don’t give her that satisfaction. Don’t let a girl, with a name like Kat, make you feel like a pussy. You’re going to show her that you’re the man, and nobody is going to treat you like this.”

  “I am?”

  “Damn right, you are.”

  “I’m the man,” Benny said, in the meekest of ways.

  “Close enough,” said Nick. Benny was changing his attitude.

  “I’m the man. I am the man.” A small amount of confidence started to fill his soul. He appreciated any amount of encouragement he could get. “You guys are great.” He gave Andie a big hug as she returned from the kitchen, then turned to Nick to do the same.

  Nick pushed him aside. “What is with you and all this hugging crap? Anyway, how are we going to know if we ever see Kat? We never met her.”

  “She works in the graphic arts department at Apocalypse,” said Benny. “You’re bound to run into her sooner or later, if you ever show up for actual work.”

  Andie was curious. “What does she look like? I mean – I’m not trying to pry, or anything like that. I just want to know in case I ever run into her.”

  Benny had no problem describing her. “Well, she’s five-foot six, one hundred seventeen pounds, long wavy blond hair, which she parts on the right and hangs down to the middle of her chest. She has blue-green eyes, a pair of really nice – you know, a two-inch tattoo of a heart on her right shoulder – a double-pierced right ear, and a triple…”

  Nick interrupted, “Okay, we get the picture.” Somehow, he thought he had seen this woman being described. He looked at Andie. She also looked as if she had a clue.

  “There’s one more thing,” added Benny. “She liked leaving her panties behind.”

  “What?” asked Nick.

  “She would always leave a pair of panties behind – as a souvenir of a wonderful night. I have eight pairs collected.”

  Nick and Andie realized who Kat was. They both ran to the couch to grab the panties. Nick got to them first and hid them behind his back.

  “What are you two doing,” asked Benny.

  Nick was trying to find words. “We – uh – we…”

  “Thought we saw a quarter,” said a quick-thinking Andie.

  “Yeah,” added Nick. “And it had the head side up – and uh, the first one to find a quarter with the head face up, uh…”

  “Has to buy dinner,” said a sweating Andie.

  “Right,” said Nick. “Hey, wait a second. Why would the first one to find it have to buy dinner? I mean – shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

  “Nick,” muttered Andie through clinched teeth.

  Benny looked at the two of them and said, “Man, you guys are weird.”

  “I’ve been called a lot worse,” said Nick. “I got to go jump in the shower.” He backed up into the bathroom and closed the door, clutching the panties behind him. At least he knew that she didn’t commit the murder of Zipper Down, if indeed there was one.

  Andie, trying to change the subject, told Benny, “Well, it looks like you’re going to be okay. It’ll just take a little time.”

  Benny was a lot better off than when he came in. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m really going to miss her, though. The sex was so good.”

  Andie took offense. “That is such a chauvinist remark. I swear - you and Nick are so much alike. I thought you were different, but obviously, I was wrong.”

  Benny had to object. “No, I’m not. There’s a world of difference between Nick and myself. I can actually love a woman. Nick just uses them.”

  “Are you sure you really loved Kat? I mean, don’t you think it was more like lust? She’s an attractive woman and…”

  “What do you mean by that?” Benny asked. “I thought you said you never met her.”

  “Well, you just described her in such detail. I could easily get a mental picture of her,” Andie said.

  “Oh, yeah,” said Benny. “I forgot. However, I did love her. It hasn’t happened that often, but when it does - I always fall fast and hard. I just don’t have the same success when it comes to falling out of love. You know, sometimes I wish I were a little more like Nick. He never seems to get hurt.”

  “Don’t be too sure about that,” replied Andie. “I’m pretty sure Nick is hurting deep inside.”

  “What makes you say that?” asked Benny. “Well, for instance, last week he talked me into seeing Ace Ventura: Pet Detective at the Downtown Sixteen Cinema.”

  “Did you get to see the preview for Forrest Gump?”

  “Yea, why do you ask?”

  “Apocalypse sold the producers the rights for one of the songs for the soundtrack. How was the trailer?” Benny was always thinking about business, no matter what his current crisis would be.

  “Oh, I loved it. It looks like a fabulous film. Nick, on the other hand, thinks Tom Hanks hasn’t made anything worthwhile since Bosom Buddies. Anyway, we bought a six-pack and decided to hang out at my apartment for a while, and to make a long story short; he ordered pizza while I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, he was still up, talking to the pizza delivery guy. I could tell it was a personal conversation by the way it ended abruptly when I came into the living room.”

  Benny didn’t follow what Andie was getting to. His confused puppy expression on his face led Andie to get to the point.

  “You see, Benny, Nick can open up to a complete stranger but not to the people he’s close to. He shuts down emotionally. You, on the other hand, will dive head first into a relationship without any regard to the consequences. You will eventually find happiness. At this rate, Nick will be lonely for a long time. Don’t ever wish you were more like him. You’ll end up being hurt a lot more than you are now.”

  Benny stared at Andie for a moment. Her ocean blue eyes pierced through his muddled brain. He started to look back at Nick’s relationships since he met him. He never saw Nick with the same woman more than once. How could he possibly be happy without ever giving love a chance? Why am wishing that kind of life on me? Man, Andie makes a great case, he thought.

  “You’re right, Andie. You know, you’re going to make a great lawyer. Thanks,” said Benny.

  “You’re quite welcome, Benny,” said Andie. She was glad she didn’t tell Benny the whole story, as she thought back about that night…

  “I don’t understand this magazine,” said Nick, as he flipped through the pages of a Cosmopolitan magazine at Andie’s apartment. Ever the night owl, Nick had talked Andie into going to a late feature and hanging out afterwards, even though she needed to get to sleep early. “Why are they saying that it’s okay to dump a guy if you get tired of him?” He threw the magazine on the solid oak coffee table in front of him. “This is the kind of crap that ruins men for life.” He took his final sip of his fifth Heineken. Andie was sitting on her leather sofa across from Nick, reading her latest issue of Glamour. She took her fifth sip of her first Heineken.

  “I can’t believe you want me to even justify that one,” said a bewildered Andie. “How many times have you dumped women after you got tired of them?”

  “That’s not the point, Andie. I don’t even hang around long enough to get tired of them.”

  “Okay, let me ask you this – how many times have you been dumped?”

  Nick looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I don’t like this conversation anymore.” He looked at his empty bottle, realizing the six-pack he brought was finished. “I’m going to the store for a beer run.” He got up from the leather recliner, and made his way to the door. Andie got up and grabbed Nick.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” she said. “You’ve had way too much to drink and you didn’t answer my question.”

  Nick looked at Andie’s hand holding his arm with a firm grip. He knew she meant business. “That’s one question that I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might make me say something I don’t really want to talk
about. How’s that for some legal mumbo-jumbo?” Nick was skirting the issue as best as possible. “The offense rests.”

  “That would be defense,” said the ever-correcting Andie.

  “Well, I take offense that you’re correcting my defense,” said an inebriated Nick.

  “I’m sorry, Nick,” she said. “You’ve had way too much to drink. Why don’t you just stay here tonight?”

  “You want me to spend the night here, with you?”

  “On the couch,” said Andie.

  Feeling both disappointed and relieved, Nick agreed. “All righty then. I’m hungry. What you got to eat?” His New Orleans dialect popped out every once in a while. He walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He found leftover salad, yogurt, apples, milk, orange juice, cheese, and various condiments. Looking in the freezer, he found six Weight Watchers dinners, frozen vegetables, and strawberry sherbet. “You don’t have a damn thing to eat,” he said.

  Andie handed Nick the phone. “Send out for pizza. It’s extremely late, I’m exhausted, and I’m going to bed. I have to be up in five hours.” She opened her linen closet and pulled out a neatly folded blanket, a pillow, and a brand-new set of sheets. She placed them on the sofa and told Nick, “Make yourself at home. Goodnight.”

  Andie walked into her bedroom and closed the door. Looking at her bed, she noticed a file she needed to study for work, a hardcover John Grisham novel she was reading, and her beloved stuffed rabbit, Atticus Finch. With one swipe of her arm, she brushed everything to the floor, took off her clothes, and crawled under the covers. Before she fell asleep, she could hear Nick ordering a pizza. She knew he would be okay. She was in a deep sleep when she felt the tender touch of a hand on her shoulder. She felt a hot breath on the back of her neck. She couldn’t move. The hand moved from her shoulder to the top of her breast. If she were going to object, now would be the time to do it. What in the world was happening to her? She felt another arm reach around to caress her quivering stomach, which was welcoming the touch. The hot breath on the back of her neck turned into soft kisses. Would she dare turn around and return the kiss? The caresses become stronger and she could feel his entire body against her. As she turned around to see him, she heard a voice say,

  “…And a one hundred percent chance of the wet stuff, so wear your raincoats and bring out the umbrellas. What do you think about that, Jim?”

  Another voice added, “Yeah, Carl, we like the wet stuff.” The morning shock jocks were performing their usual suggestive banter. Andie slapped the snooze button on her clock radio with vengeance. The next voice she heard really was Nick’s. She could hear him talking in the next room. She put on her silk robe and walked out into the front room. Nick was there, talking to the pizza guy.

  “What are you doing awake at five forty-five in the morning?” asked a sleepy, grumpy, yet slightly aroused Andie.

  “Five forty-five?” said the startled pizza guy. “Dude, like you’ve been talking to me for like five hours about that chick and the devil. Like, I gotta motor out of here.” He headed out the front door. Andie was upset.

  “What can you talk to a complete stranger about that you can’t say to me?” Nick was taken aback.

  “Hey, chill out. We were just talking about – things. No big deal.” He felt the sense of awkwardness in the air. He also noticed Andie’s state of arousal, due to the thin and clingy material of her robe. “I think I have to go to work or something like that,” said Nick, as he tried to keep his eyes away from Andie’s chest. “Thanks for the hospitality.”

  Andie watched Nick leave. “There goes a heartbroken man,” she said to herself.

  The voice from her bedroom returned, “…and I didn’t get lucky last night either, Jim. Just a big old wet dream…”