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  The Devil’s in My Bathroom

  Eddie Latiolais

  Copyright © 2015 by Eddie Latiolais

  All rights reserved. This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.”

  This is a work of fiction. Names, character, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Design by Richard Sibley

  https://forgottenarts.deviantart.com

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Prologue: The History of New Lake City

  Chapter One: Waking Up is Hard to Do

  Chapter Two: Bawling Benny

  Chapter Three: The Devil’s Triangle

  Chapter Four: Dynamic Debbie

  Chapter Five: Bumbled Beginnings

  Chapter Six: Pizza for All

  Chapter Seven: Elderberry Whine

  Chapter Eight: The Cassette Tape

  Chapter Nine: 70’s Flashback

  Chapter Ten: Sergeant Pepper

  Chapter Eleven: Stormy Monday

  Chapter Twelve: Don’t Touch Gerome

  Chapter Thirteen: The Name Game

  Chapter Fourteen: Mr. Rogers

  Chapter Fifteen: Lights Out

  Chapter Sixteen: Balls and Burgers

  Chapter Seventeen: Nick and the Smart Hookers

  Chapter Eighteen: Like a Fine Wine

  Chapter Nineteen: The Journey Begins

  Chapter Twenty: Such Nice Boys

  Chapter Twenty-One: Line, Please

  Chapter Twenty-Two: Sweet Shanice

  Chapter Twenty-Three: The Dark Seduction

  Chapter Twenty-Four: You Talking to Me?

  Chapter Twenty-Five: Genuine Blues

  Chapter Twenty-Six: Little Italy, Big Meal

  Chapter Twenty-Seven: Peanut Butter Kisses

  Chapter Twenty-Eight: Kitchen Help

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: Hot Sand

  Chapter Thirty: Sail On, Sailor

  Chapter Thirty-One: Mama’s Been Around

  Chapter Thirty-Two: Getting Some

  Chapter Thirty-Three: The Godfather XVI

  Chapter Thirty-Four: Andie Learns the Game

  Chapter Thirty-Five: Holiday Inn Hell

  Chapter Thirty-Six: Fire and Water DO Mix

  Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Sultry Songstress

  Chapter Thirty-Eight: In the Land of Oz

  Chapter Thirty-Nine: Know Where You Got Your Shoes

  Chapter Forty: When in Gerome

  Chapter Forty-One: The Conning Linguist

  Chapter Forty-Two: The Grand Pooper Scooper

  Chapter Forty-Three: Who Says You Can’t Go Home

  Chapter Forty-Four: Sixteen Good Reasons

  Chapter Forty-Five: Bless Me Father

  Chapter Forty-Six: Tragedy in New Lake

  Chapter Forty-Seven: Satan’s Girlfriend

  Chapter Forty-Eight: All the Ducks in a Row

  Chapter Forty-Nine: Bottom’s Out

  Chapter Fifty: Jamaica Me Crazy

  Chapter Fifty-One: Naked

  Chapter Fifty-Two: Kat Calling

  Chapter Fifty-Three: Mile High Demon

  Chapter Fifty-Four: Bleached Blonde Bombshell

  Chapter Fifty-Five: Love Blender

  Chapter Fifty-Six: Song Stuck in Your Head

  Chapter Fifty-Seven: Hey Bartender

  Chapter Fifty-Eight: Great Balls of Fire

  Chapter Fifty-Nine: The Hand Out

  Chapter Sixty: The Rolls Royce

  Chapter Sixty-One: Camera One, Camera Two

  Chapter Sixty-Two: Flat-line

  Chapter Sixty-Three: Hospitable Nick

  Chapter Sixty-Four: Kat Nipped

  Chapter Sixty-Five: Love and Hate

  Chapter Sixty-Six: All Hell Breaks Loose

  About the Author

  Prologue: The History of New Lake City

  In 1859, Bartholomew Rollins, an aspiring young explorer, decided to move somewhere – anywhere - west of the Mississippi River. He was determined to escape from the turmoil of the impending Civil War. With the dream of creating a perfect paradise, he set out on foot with a loaded backpack. He was an adventurous trailblazer. He was a profound visionary. He was a lousy explorer. He spent months lost beyond belief. One day, he came across a beautiful, serene lake. It bore no resemblance to the life he left behind. He saw no signs of inhabitants and decided that this would be the place to start his project. There was one problem – he had no idea where he was. He spent the next day creating a temporary residence for himself. After gathering some food items to get him through the next few days, he saw a man and a woman in the woods coming towards him. Instead of reaching for his gun, Bartholomew extended his hand towards the couple. They were happy to see a friendly face. The man introduced himself as Martin Ratzenburger. He was a Jewish immigrant who had been ostracized by his people for marrying his wife, Mary Elizabeth, who was a former nun. They were looking for the same utopia as Bartholomew.

  Unlike Bartholomew, the Ratzenburgers had a good idea where they were. Martin was a lawyer who practiced territorial law and knew the area was unclaimed. There were no maps or records showing this lake ever existed. Together, all three started a small community around the lake. A Native American by the name of Black Sheep soon discovered this new haven. He was sensitive to their project. His own tribe ousted him for breaking bread with a white man. He knew the area well but had never seen this lake before. Together, they were able to spread the word about their community. Before long, many people of all races and nationalities inhabited the land around the discovered lake. It was named New Lake Township and Bartholomew Rollins was elected as the mayor. The area encircling the lake became overcrowded in a short amount time. Bartholomew and Martin decided to expand the living territory. There was one part of the lake where no one had staked a claim. It had a tiny creek, which fed into the lake, covered by thick brush of vines and poison ivy. They ventured out one day with their machetes. They had chopped away for about a mile when they came across a cabin in the thick of the woods. They had crept up to the front door when they heard an eerie voice come from behind them.

  “What in the hell are you doing on my property?” asked the tall, shady figure.

  Bartholomew retained his composure and replied, “My name is Bartholomew Rollins. I’m the mayor of New Lake Township.”

  “So, you are the one to blame for that abomination,” complained the man.

  “That’s not quite the words I would use to describe it.”

  “Well, I certainly do. I was perfectly content living here by myself. Now, you come along with your rainbow of families, destroying everything I’ve been working on.”

  “My apologies, Mr. – I didn’t get your name.”

  “My name is Ivan Mephesto Deville. This is my property. You must leave, now. My plan does not call for people like you living here.”

  “But, wouldn’t you consider joining our community?” asked Martin.

  “Yes, wouldn’t you? We could use an experienced trapper like you,” added Bartholomew.

  “I never said I was a trapper. What makes you believe that?”

  “I could tell by all those bones you have stacked up there near the corner of your cabin,” said Bartholomew, as he poin
ted to the pile. He assumed they were animal bones.

  “I would like you to leave, now,” Deville declared.

  “But, won’t you even consider…”

  Bartholomew was interrupted before he could finish.

  “I said, leave, now,” The eyes of I. M. Deville seemed to catch on fire as he robbed the machete from the grasp of Bartholomew, and with one sweeping motion – he cut off the head of Bartholomew Rollins. Martin raised his own machete in feeble attempt to fight back. Deville swung and hit Ratzenburger, chopping off the hand, which was holding the indefensible weapon. Martin ran as fast as possible. He gathered a posse of fifty men and they hurried back to the cabin. When they arrived, all traces of Deville were gone. The cabin was empty, the pile of bones was gone, and the head of Bartholomew Rollins was gone as well. All that remained was the headless body, which lay still next to Ratzenburger’s severed hand.

  “With Moses as my witness,” proclaimed the enraged Ratzenburger, “I will someday avenge the death of this great man – the founder of our community. His vision will not die with him” He claimed the cabin and land as his own. He burned down the cabin and named the oversized ditch Deville Creek. He wanted the name to be remembered as a constant reminder of the evil that existed among them.

  The ensuing years were not kind to Martin Ratzenburger. Even after becoming the new mayor of New Lake Township and becoming the father of two sons – he couldn’t live with the guilt of seeing Bartholomew Rollins die in front of him. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to find I. M. Deville in his lifetime. The shame he felt for not being able to save his friend’s life was unbearable. He hung himself from a tree on the same spot Rollins was murdered. In his suicide note, he reinstated his vow to seek vengeance for Rollins’ death. He also proclaimed that in his afterlife, he would rid the town of evil.

  New Lake Township prospered after the Civil War. Many years later, a university was founded and named after Bartholomew Rollins. The town grew by leaps and bounds into the new century. It thrived through WWI, the Great Depression, and WWII. It became New Lake City in 1959, in honor of the city’s Centennial. It always managed to stay in virtual obscurity compared to other great cities in the county. By 1990, the population had reached 350,000. In a survey of the nations top high school honor students, only five percent knew what state New Lake City was located. A top-rated law firm, Rollins University, and a somewhat famed record company were the only things that distinguished New Lake City from any other cookie cutter metropolis. Throughout all the years, there remained an ominous feeling of evil trying to control the city.